Attention Fresh Water Bitches, These are the 10 Best New Girl Episodes
/It’s Tuesday night. Nobody’s home, or rather everyone is at home. What will you do with your time?
Enter New Girl. It’s our default watch for good reason. Everyone’s got their favorite show that gives them a little bit of comfort in these unseen times and it’s our pick. Here are our favorite episodes to rewatch over and over again.
10. Cooler
Season 2 Episode 15
The gang plays True American with Brooke Shields (A Game that makes NO Sense.) Nick wears a woman’s coat and grows more confident. Nick and Jess almost kiss but he climbs out the window and Schmidt faints at the sight like a overwhelmed mother. Sam encouraging Nick and Jess to kiss when they’re still very much together. Nick and Jess finally do kiss and its everything we’ve ever wanted it to be. 10/10 hot and romantic as hell. Jess’s inability to be alone is relatable as hell.
“What is the big deal? Let’s just suck it up and French a little.”
9. Reagan
Season 5 Episode 6
Megan Fox had to make the list. Hear me out! She injected a much needed breath of fresh air in the gang with her quick, dry humor and all around cool girl attitude. She didn’t mess about with what she wanted in an apartment and had the insight into each of the loft members. In his attempts to impress Reagan Nick installs a shower head that fails, hard, its a wonder why she eventually accepts their proposal to move in. We get a taste of Cece’s past life as a model when we find out she hooked up Reagan. Schmidt predictably freaks out and is only comforted when Reagan gives him a pillow of a uterus. Of Course. Another point for Nick Miller, because despite being a down on his luck bartender he does date the coolest girls.
“I’m sorry that I basically let you drown in the shower and then called you a soggy little bitch.”
8. Fancyman
Season 1 Episode 17/18
Yes, we are counting both episodes as one, sue me. They are mother and child they cannot be separated. First lets just say Dermot Mulroney is one fine man. There now that we’ve said it we can move on. Jess and Russell’s interactions are just so painfully awkward with a touch of chivalry from Rusell saving Jess when her car breaks down in the middle of the road, to their disastrous date to their interaction at his “adult vibes” only party. Nick makes a quick switch from hating the elite to wanting to be part of them. The beginning of Nick’s love of Rusell, and our’s as well.
“You were denied a cell phone because you have the credit score of a homeless ghost!
”
7. Thanksgiving III
Season 3 Episode 10
This episode is non stop laughs. Nick drags the group to the woods to hunt and gather their own food like they did in the past. Understandably they all suck at it, these are city kids through and through - well except for Coach who’s an A+ boy scout. Jess consuming a dead fish and tripping into a bear trap while tripping on the parasites living in the creature she had just consumed is hilarious. The lack of fallout in the friendship group after Cece hooked with Coach is so their group’s dynamic, it was a one time thing, not something to made a thing of.
“I’m not hunting. The only Hunt I want is Bonnie or Helen. You know what I’m talking about, Coach.”
6. Keaton
Season 3 Episode 6
One of the more wholesome episodes, again focused on Schmidt’s wellbeing. Hell there are three of those eps on this list. Nick’s catfishing of Schmidt for years is so sweet and painful. We get a glimpse into the past of Nick and Schmidt’s relationship, and how no matter’s Schmidt or Nick’s crazy there’s no way they’re leaving the other behind. Schmidt’s die hard belief in Keaton being his true lifelong BFF is so pure, you can see a glimpse of his childhood wonder.
“My mom? You’re going to tell me that my mom helped me with my public erections? I drew pictures!”
5. The Landlord
Season 1 Episode 12
One of the few episodes from Season 1. We love this episode because it expands the world of the loft, where we see they have a great balcony, witness all the problems it has, see their basement and meet their landlord Remy. The game of chicken with Jess and Nick to see who would back at first when their landlord propositions them. The go plan the group had was so haphazard and so very them. Its surprising none of the loft residents are on the lease, but what do you expect when one of the members painted weird sex aliens on the walls of his closet. Yes, that was Schmidt.
“Find out where Winston gets his sparkle, and then steal it. ”
4. Spiderhunt
Season 4 Episode 17
This one of those episodes where every storyline is so damn good. Schmidt irrational fear of spider’s is so ridiculous, he forces the group to hunt down the creature before he combusts (nah I’m playing… but he does freak out a lot.) Nick and Jess’s non conversation about the popcorn machine at the bar is *chef’s kiss.* Coach’s inability to write an normal email to a girl he likes is adorable and I wish some guy wasted that much time composing me a message. Also has an appearance from Fawn Moscato - HBIC. Vote Fawn Moscato!
“I can hear it. I can hear it building its house. Building its sticky, deadly house that you can never leave. Building it. With its ass.”
3.
Pepperwood
Season 2 Episode 14
Pepperwood introduces Nick’s most important alter ego Julius Pepperwood and he starts writing his novel about a forlorn Detective and his sidekick Jessica Night. Nick’s concern for Jess’s safety after discovering her student is a incredibly creative, albeit bloody, writer, is so ludicrous, from crashing her class to breaking and entering. Jess is so cringy with her ringtone as “I’m So Excited” (very on brand), to shouting Apricots when she felt unsafe around Edgar. While the other part of the gang explored eachother’’s “Po-go’s” (the thing’s that annoyed them the most about the other) was pretty okay, Nick and Jess antics more than carried the team.
“She had zombie legs that went on for miles. They were the kind of legs you could sink your teeth into. Pepperwood had two friends ... one, if you count his hat. The other was his gal Friday, Jessica Night.”
2. Quick Hardening Caulk
Season 2 Episode 19
Was it any surprise? Peep that title, this obviously going to make it high on this list. It’s the possibly the moment we fell in love with Winston. The lengths the man will go for him. It’s a great of Schmidt and his weird obsessions. The moment he’s told he’s unable to purchase a Lionfish, and snatches the Aquarium worker’s hat shouting “Why can’t that I have the things that I want,” it resonated with me. Jess finally sees Nick as a manly man when he starts doing more work around the house and bar, though she comes back to reality when she realizes its only to impress his new boss. This episode also gave me one of my favorite Nickisms - “Take a drink, leave a drink.” It makes no sense and that’s why its so Nick Miller.
“I don’t want some janky freshwater bitch fish, Winston. I want a lionfish.”
1. Background Check
Season 4 Episode 6
This is hands down the best episode of New Girl ever, period. It’s the best ensemble episode where every character excels in every scene, it’s sheer perfection. From Nick’s inability to lie, to Coach trying to recruit a child to be Winston’s little brother it absolutely kills. Jess calling upon Cece to dispose of drugs she found in a garage sale find that are so painfully obvious are rocks. What’s best is we see how everyone reacts to the same stress scenario and how very different their reactions are. Who would have though Winston would be the coolest one of the group?
“My sixteenth year, I never got an erection. I thought they were done. I thought my penis was dead. It wasn’t.”